I've neglected the blog.
Its been a week. So much has happened but I've forgotten most of it. I should have started a record !
So quick summary. I watched one of my sons play rugby,played golf, done a small amount of drawing, watched TV a lot and tried to solve some more sudoku.
I went along to the Rugby game with my daughter in law and grandson. He was great and cheered me up a lot.
I think my daughter in law may have been a little unsure of what to say and I didn't raise the subject in case I embarrassed her. She asked in the 2nd half though and it was good to explain.
I got to their house early and had 45 mins with my son who was totally ok talking about it.
I can see how it must be quite hard....very hard to talk to your father in law about his mental health though. She must have felt confident I was ok as she asked me to drive the car back home while my son stayed on after the game to celebrate their win. (That gave me a little boost.)
They are fighting relegation and are now three games unbeaten. They are on the up.
My line manager hasn't been in touch all week although I did have a call from private number that I couldn't answer.
So I've generally been ok. I took the normal route to the game that passes the scene of a double fatal RTC I attended. Two very young children died in the crash. 8 weeks old and 13 mths old. The car being driven by the father left the road for a reason still to be determined. He had his wife survived.
I cannot imagine their grief. I cannot.
I have to pass this scene a lot for work but I can also find another route that will add 15-20mins to my journey that is already 90 mins.
I don't think it will help though, as I'll know i'm going the other route to avoid the scene and so i'll remember anyway.
Everything seems to have come to a stop. I've received news in the earlier report that I will be referred to the community mental health team. When will I hear form them.
I call an officer who left the force on ill health (PTSD), and who has since been heavily involved in setting up events to raise the issue and appeared on national TV. I'll call him Scott. its not his name.
He gives me some great advice. At my sons rugby game I meet with another officer I joined with. I haven't seen him for a year and I tell him of my issue. He's shocked but understanding. says we'll meet up. I think we will , he's a really good bloke that I don't see enough of.
We don't see each other for years sometimes then just talk like we saw each other yesterday.
So I have three weeks of my FIT note left.
Do I go back. Everyone says don't , but staying at home wont cure me. Will I be cured ?
Scott, the officer who retired on ill health says I definitely shouldn't. Its too early. He has PTSD too, he says I will just learn to live with it.
So I guess I will go back and see what happens. Sink or swim.
Tomorrow is Monday , my wife is at work. I'm not. I'm feeling a little more hopeful. Am I on the up ?
Its been a week. So much has happened but I've forgotten most of it. I should have started a record !
So quick summary. I watched one of my sons play rugby,played golf, done a small amount of drawing, watched TV a lot and tried to solve some more sudoku.
I went along to the Rugby game with my daughter in law and grandson. He was great and cheered me up a lot.
I think my daughter in law may have been a little unsure of what to say and I didn't raise the subject in case I embarrassed her. She asked in the 2nd half though and it was good to explain.
I got to their house early and had 45 mins with my son who was totally ok talking about it.
I can see how it must be quite hard....very hard to talk to your father in law about his mental health though. She must have felt confident I was ok as she asked me to drive the car back home while my son stayed on after the game to celebrate their win. (That gave me a little boost.)
They are fighting relegation and are now three games unbeaten. They are on the up.
My line manager hasn't been in touch all week although I did have a call from private number that I couldn't answer.
So I've generally been ok. I took the normal route to the game that passes the scene of a double fatal RTC I attended. Two very young children died in the crash. 8 weeks old and 13 mths old. The car being driven by the father left the road for a reason still to be determined. He had his wife survived.
I cannot imagine their grief. I cannot.
I have to pass this scene a lot for work but I can also find another route that will add 15-20mins to my journey that is already 90 mins.
I don't think it will help though, as I'll know i'm going the other route to avoid the scene and so i'll remember anyway.
Everything seems to have come to a stop. I've received news in the earlier report that I will be referred to the community mental health team. When will I hear form them.
I call an officer who left the force on ill health (PTSD), and who has since been heavily involved in setting up events to raise the issue and appeared on national TV. I'll call him Scott. its not his name.
He gives me some great advice. At my sons rugby game I meet with another officer I joined with. I haven't seen him for a year and I tell him of my issue. He's shocked but understanding. says we'll meet up. I think we will , he's a really good bloke that I don't see enough of.
We don't see each other for years sometimes then just talk like we saw each other yesterday.
So I have three weeks of my FIT note left.
Do I go back. Everyone says don't , but staying at home wont cure me. Will I be cured ?
Scott, the officer who retired on ill health says I definitely shouldn't. Its too early. He has PTSD too, he says I will just learn to live with it.
So I guess I will go back and see what happens. Sink or swim.
Tomorrow is Monday , my wife is at work. I'm not. I'm feeling a little more hopeful. Am I on the up ?
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